settles gone wild?

As in, wild bird. Wild bird stuck in our fireplace all day. Wild bird with a very long, pointy, sharp beak crashing against the glass doors of our fireplace and pooping in our fireplace all day.

I was really concerned about the poor thing, because I did not know how long birds can go without food or water. So, at one point, I decided I would try to catch it in a mesh bag and then take it outside and let it go.

Then I thought better of that idea. I had a picture in my mind where it did not end up in my mesh bag, but instead ended up flying around the rest of my house, pooping, breaking my decorative plates, and terrorizing me and the kids.

I waited until David got home. Which was after 10, so you can bet that he was overjoyed at the prospect of fishing a bird out of our fireplace.

He had a better idea than my mesh bag. We took a long since forgotten stroller mosquito net (I think it was purchased when Jack was a baby during a West Nile virus scare -- I think it was actually the first time West Nile had been in Oklahoma) and draped it over the opening to the fireplace. Then we slowly opened the fireplace doors. And waited. And waited. The bird was hiding behind the gas logs.

Then David got a mop handle and tried to scare it/ shoo it out of the back of fireplace. No good. David was tired, I was tired and we did not want to wait hours for this bird to decide to come out. We, tongue-in-cheek, briefly discusssed poisoning it or turning the fireplace on, but we finally decided to see if we could lure it with some bird seed. It was past 10pm, and I found myself seriously discussing whether or not birds can smell the seeds. I did not know, but at that point, I NEEDED that bird to be able to smell the seeds (because he would not be able to see them) -- and I really wanted him to come out already!

Well, to make this long story shorter, it seems that birds can indeed smell bird seed because he came and started eating it pretty quickly and then noticed the doors were open and then flew into our mosquito net, and then flew out of the mosquito net, which prompted me to duck and run and scream like a crazy person! It flew onto the kitchen light fixture, then eventually into the laundry room, then eventually into the garage and finally, FINALLY out of the garage. A couple of our neighbors drove by while we were standing outside just staring into our garage (waiting for the bird to leave) and I am sure that we looked rather odd!

When it was all said and done, I felt good about getting him out of our home alive. But, the whole experience left me with a question -- why is a flying bird so beautiful, cute, interesting when it is outside -- but when it inside, it is terrifying? And I mean, crazy, frenzy, terrifying. Not swinging bridge scary -- I could still think and reason on the bridge. This was heart pounding, run-for-your-life-or-the-door-craziness. Now that it is over, it is really funny. Actually, David and I were laughing most of the way through because the entire scenario was ridiculous. But, I KNOW without a doubt, that if I ever have a bird flying around in my house again, that I did not "learn" anything today that would help me calmly handle the situation. I would turn into the crazy person I was tonight -- in essence, a Settle gone wild . . .crazy, hysterical, you can insert your choice adjective . . .