In Memory of Stanley Donnelley (Oct. 18, 1927-September 16, 2008)

My grandpa, Stanley Donnelley, died this morning at approximately 4 am. Last Monday he was put in the hospital for what at first I understood to be kidney stones, but on Thursday the diagnosis was bone cancer and kidney cancer that had metastasized to his spine. My sister, Dawn, and I drove to Enid to see him late Thursday night and it was such a shock to see him lying so helplessly in the hospital bed in agonizing pain. Just a few months ago, Grandpa's doctor had told him that he was the "healthiest 80-year-old" that he knew. Grandpa still worked a little job that he went to every day. About 2 1/2 weeks ago, he and his neighbor had cleared out brush in the back yard. In short, Grandpa was still living an active, busy life. I expected him to live until he was 100 years old.

I have been so grateful that last year the family had a party to celebrate Grandpa's 80th birthday. It was a wonderful time where everyone wrote letters to him about their favorite memories with him and what he meant to them. It was truly a celebration of who he was as a person and a way to thank him for how he had served our family over the years. During the party, he was more talkative than I ever remember him being in a large group, regaling us with tales of meeting Will Rogers and Andy Griffith (whom he said was the only man he ever met who had bigger ears than he did!).

What a testimony of love this last week has been -- my aunts and uncles and cousins have flown in from all over the country to be at grandpa's side, to hold his hand, and to pray for him. This is amazing because none of us are blood relatives to Grandpa. He was my mother's (and aunts' and uncles') step-father. To most of us in my generation, though, he was the only grandpa we ever knew and therefore not our "step-grandfather" but our grandpa.

He snored louder than almost anyone I have heard (with the exception of my late Uncle Bo). He had this weird, quirky idea that you needed to put butter on every sandwich that you ate in order to aid digestion. In the summer when we visited, my sisters and I would try to sneak in and make our sandwiches without him knowing so that we would not have to put butter on our bologna and cheese sandwiches. I am not sure how, but usually he caught us and so I have eaten more bologna, cheese, mustard, and butter sandwiches than anyone should have to endure!

He searched for and found me my first car (a cute little yellow Kharmen Ghia). He made the best pancakes that he served with warm syrup. Probably everyone in the family has a least one time when Grandpa dropped everything to come diagnose and fix an automotive problem. He loved my Grandma more than anyone else ever loved her and took better care of her than anyone else in the world. He was a kind, gentle, patient man with a servant's heart whom I never heard complain.

The only comfort in his passing is that he is no longer in pain and he did not linger like this for a long period of time -- he would have hated not being able to go to work or to be on dialysis or to be dependent on someone else to take care of him. I also can rest in the fact that I know I will see him in heaven some day. Until then, I will think of him often and hope to serve my family as well as he did.

Do you speak Brookie?

We have been so excited and relieved as Brooke learns more words and has finally started putting words together for 2-3 word sentences. She seems to have to work much harder on her words than other children do (in order to perfect them). It is interesting to me that some words, which I would normally think would be difficult, seem easy for her and she says them clearly. For instance, she can say, "Luke" perfectly -- ie, she doesn't say "wuke." However, some of her other words are so adorable I wanted to write them down.

Here is a quiz to see how well you speak "Brookie". Select the word that is the correct translation. Answers are at the bottom.

1. Dod
a. God
b. Dog
c. Dad

2. Nonk (with a long "o" sound)
a. Nose
b. Milk
c. Not

3. Lucky
a. Yucky
b. Lick
c. Sticky

4. Fuffy
a. Stuffing
b. Fluffy
c. Murphy

5. Habit
a. Rabbit
b. Have it
c. Stop it

6. Dum
a. Gum
b. Some
c. Fun

7. Fart
a. Cart
b. Start
c. Heart

8. Boe-ditch or Boe-shif
a. a bad word in "Brookie"
b. Goldfish
c. Toe itch

9. Bitchy
a. Bitty
b. Betsy
c. Bitsy

Answers:
1: If you ask Brooke who we learn about at church, her answer will be "Dod" (a)
2: In "Brookie", water is "dink" and milk is "nonk". (b)
3: Chunky milk left in the van for days, is "lucky". (a)
4: When Brooke tells our dog, Murphy, to stop barking, she says, "Hush, Fuffy" (c)
5: If you have something and Brooke wants it, she will ask, "Habit?" [Can I have it?] (b)
6: If "Brookie" was spoken in the movie, "Night at the Museum", the statue would say, "Dumb-Dumb, give me dum-dum!"(a)
7: This was a trick question. We still have not figured out what Brooke wants when she says "fart". Unfortunately she says it perfectly and it sends Jack and Claire into hysterical fits of laughter and so if she says it once, she ends up saying it 20 times. If we ever get it translated, you will be the first to know.
8: Brooke can say "gold" and "fish", but put them together and she sounds like she is attempting to say a "cuss" word (as we say in the south). (b)
9: Hasn't everyone heard of the "Itchy-Bitchy Spider"?(c)

One final cute thing that she said (but which I could not create a question for) was this: "Chock-ee-it Tandy?" -- as in "chocolate candy". She was referring to a round brown mole on my arm. :)

County Jail

Several times, I have sat down in order to write about the jail issue since the council reversed its decision on August 25th. But so far I have been unable to do it -- I sit down and then feel drained just thinking about it. However, I think we are on the verge of watching a miracle unfold and so it is not as depressing to write about.

My friend's recent post is better than anything I would have written so I asked her if I could put it on my blog as well. (Sorry to those of you who read both of our blogs! ) I also want to encourage you to send this post to whomever you want to send it. The more people who know about what it going on, the better. After all, the citizens of Bartlesville will ultimately decide the fate of the jail.

So here it is:

SUNDAY, AUGUST 31, 2008

Selflessness and an Apology to the West Bartlesville Residents
Jesus committed the most extreme act of selflessness when he chose to humble himself to become man, to be beaten by man and then die on the cross for man.

Acts of selflessness are hard and that is why I am always in awe when I see these genuine acts. A genuine act is one that personally gains you nothing and many times, in fact, costs you everything. I have recently witnessed one such act of selflessness and wanted to share.

An east Bartlesville resident has written an amazing letter to the editor expressing his apologies to the west side residents for the great injustice that has occured over the jail rezoning. This man has spent much of his own personal time fighting for the rights of west Bartlesville residents. He has been at the council meetings standing up and speaking eloquently against this injustice. He has stepped across the tracks from where he lives to fight for the rights of the people who are being taken advantage of. Even though this issue does not affect him personally, he has chosen to do something that goes against the cultural norm- - - to fight an injustice for someone else. He will gain NOTHING from this- - -other than ugly remarks and possible threats from those who disagree with him. You may be thinking, "Threats?" Yes, I know it is happening because my husband has received them as well. This man has put himself and his name on the line by speaking out against the jail, the jail that so many may think needs to be built on the west side of town.

I wanted to get his permission before printing this on my blog so I sent him an email. I loved the response he gave me, so I wanted to post that as well. His response:

"Yes, you have my permission. There are times when I do not recognize or act like the guy you want to blog about. However, those are the times I remember that I am only human and any goodness or righteousness I may have is not my own but from my Father alone. Who knows, maybe this is the spot I have spent my entire life getting to? If any good comes from it, it will be from Him and not from me."


Here is his letter:

An Apology to the West Side Residents of Bartlesville

After sitting through last Monday’s City Council meeting, I feel compelled to offer an apology to the residents of the West Side.

I apologize for the City Council riding over all sound objections to do whatever they want. I thought there might have been hope for this council but now it seems I was wrong.

I apologize for Councilman Vic Holcomb changing his vote. He stated, “no one got to him.” Well, of course they did. His constituents got to him. They probably told him he was being an obstructionist and needed to call for a do-over

I also apologize for Councilman Vic Holcomb not being able to look you in the eye when he voted “yes”.

I apologize for Mr. Maddux saying that Robert’s Rules of Order trumps an Oklahoma Supreme Court decision and the Council could revote the issue if they wanted to.

I apologize for Mrs. Daniels smiling as Lisa Strickland walked away from the podium, crying and holding a picture of her 4 year old daughter.

I apologize for Mr. Mason just sitting there like the old lump on a log. Wait. No, I don’t!

I apologize to the gentleman who attempted to speak after the citizen comment time was closed. Was he out of line? Yes. Was he confused? Who wouldn’t be after sitting through that Council meeting? Did you notice that three very large Bartlesville police officers moved on this gentleman very quickly to grab him and remove him? If he had stood there a few more seconds, we would have seen Bartlesville’s finest in action. All the Mayor had to do was say, one more time, “Sir, if you do not sit down, I will have you escorted to your seat.”

I apologize for Mayor Gorman’s hypocrisy. LuWana Brewster said she found it hard to believe that council members “could look us in the eye and tell us you’re representing us. We feel like we’ve been stabbed in the back,” she said. There’s no first aid for that, is there? She also added, "What part of 'we don't want a jail here' do you not understand?

I apologize because Mr. Gorman’s, “I love you guys” didn’t last one whole week.

I apologize for the county commissioners who just sat there looking at the floor. Did you notice the backs of their necks got red from time to time? They appeared as if they were embarrassed to be there. But they got what they wanted, didn’t they?

I apologize that the very morning the county commissioners discussed paying for 50% of a West Bartlesville Master Plan – with a one tenth of a cent tax increase on you and me. This will most likely be on the November ballot also. You remember that ballot, right? It’s the one where we will be asked to pay for the new jail that was rammed down our throats! That’s like…well, you know what it’s like.

I apologize because our City Council appears to some, to be elitist with some racism thrown in for good measure. They can scream from the roof tops that this is about a zoning question, "rule of law" I believe Mrs. Daniels said. I hope that lets them sleep at night. They can shout all day long, “Some of my best friends are _________ (fill in the blank: black, brown, poor).” But folks all over town, whether they want the jail there or not, suspect this is a smoke screen so the Council can step all over the wishes of most West Side residents. They feel they are better than us and being better than us, know what is best for us. Especially the black and poor residents who will be impacted the most.

I apologize because the City Council has convinced themselves this is all about zoning regulations. Politics, at its heart, is all about people. People of different color, people of different races, people of different levels of education, people of different income levels and people of all ages. People who vote! The City Council would do well to remember this.

I do not lightly say that our City Council appears to be elitist and, at times appears to be racist also. Deny it all you want, call me whatever names you want, Call me a troublemaker, a cry baby, slash my tires, kick my dog but there it is, right in our faces. It’s the 800 pound gorilla in the room no one wants to talk about.

I apologize for Mayor Gorman’s parting shot: “Let’s all go from here in the spirit of unity and progress.” Decency will not allow the Examiner-Enterprise to print my reply to that remark.

Last but not least, I think they should drop the opening prayer at all City Council meetings. From the way the City Council does whatever they want--ignore the Oklahoma Supreme Court, ignore their own zoning regulations, ignore the desires of the people they represent—it seems obvious to me that God is most definitely not in the house!

George Henshaw

Bartlesville

(Of course, Mr. Henshaw's last statement is not to be taken literally.)

The Hardest Questions

It's politics . . . it's ugly . . . and sometimes it just makes you want to throw-up.

A very savvy politician told me that recently. At the time I did not understand completely -- but now I do, and I do want to throw-up. (if you are confused, look at the post that was published right before this one).

For the last few weeks, I have been going through my house, room-by-room, cleaning out junk and clutter to get ready for our move in a few months. When I was going through the drawer in my bedside table, I discovered something dated September 24, 2001. At that time I had just finished re-reading for the third time, Corrie Ten Boon's (can't remember how to spell her last name) book, The Hiding Place. (For those of you unfamiliar with Corrie, she hid Jews during WWII and ended up in a concentration camp). At the back of that particular edition of the book was a section entitled, "Six ways to put this book to work into your life". The first way was to:

Discover for yourself that God governs all things, even those that appear senseless and cruel. As an experiment, list your 'hardest questions'-- vexing personal questions: an illness, an automobile accident, a business failure. Then one by one transfer these loads from your own care to God's. Pray, 'Lord, because I do not have the answers to these things I do not therefore conclude that there are no answers. You know why, Lord, and when I am strong enough -- wise enough, loving enough -- You will show me too.'"

Back in 2001, I had listed 8 vexing personal questions. When I found these papers after almost 7 years, I was amazed because 7 of the questions (which in all honesty, I highly doubted I would ever know the answer to (this side of heaven), had been answered. I think when I read through that list, and saw that I knew the "why" of 7 of those very hard questions, my jaw actually dropped. What a blessing and a faith-building experience.

I have been creating a new list of questions, and tonight, as I recall the roller coaster of the last three days, I realized that I need to transfer this jail issue back over to God. I am sad. I am angry. I want to throw-up. This is all so wrong -- why does God allow it? I don't know, but He does.

'For my thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways, my ways,' declares the Lord. Isaiah 55:8

Oops! Did I say "no"? I meant "yes" . . .

Item 8 on the agenda for next Monday's city council meeting:

Discuss and take action to reconsider the decision of the City Council on August 18, 2008 to deny the Washington County Correctional Facility Trust Authority’s appeal of the decision of the Metropolitan Area Planning Commission (MAPC) to deny a rezoning request of a 5.4 acre tract of land located at the southeast corner of Adams Boulevard and Oak Avenue for the location of a new jail facility (Case No. PC-08-09-RZ/PUD/SDP), and possible adoption of ordinance granting rezoning and PUD Outline Development Plan approval. Presented by Vic Holcomb, Councilmember.

Miracles Do Happen!

If you have not heard, the County's rezoning effort failed last night: 3-2! A.maz.ing!

We need to pray for the city leaders and about this situation however because the County's plan will be to take this to district court.

Thanks to all of you who showed up to support the neighbors -- we know for some of you that it was a total inconvenience and we appreciate it very much!

The Golden Rule in Real Life

Friends in Bartlesville --
Many of you know that the county is in desperate need of a new jail. No one can deny that it is a legitimate need. However, the current plan to put the jail in a residential area is an illegitimate way to fill that need.

The City Council and the County regularly must make choices -- one thing versus another, where there is not necessarily a right or a wrong, just two different choices. The current jail plan however is nothing but WRONG, a tangible example of injustice. You may ask how I can be so certain and so "black and white" on this issue. When God's word is used as a plumb line, it is easy!

Love your neighbor as you love yourself. Matthew 22:40
Treat people the same way you want them to treat you. Matthew 7:12

I can say with 100% certainty, that there is NOT ONE city council member who would vote to put a jail in his/her own neighborhood. I can say with 100% certainty that there is NOT ONE county commissioner who would vote to put a jail in his/her own neighborhood. If they obey God's command to love their (west side) neighbors as themselves, then they should NOT vote to put it in this west side neighborhood either.

However, the County obviously expects the City Council to vote in favor of re-zoning because they proceeded to purchase the land even though the Metropolitan Area Planning Committee voted AGAINST rezoning. If the rezoning measure passes in the City Council, then the future of the jail will eventually be in the hands of Bartlesville residents. We will have the opportunity to vote yes or no.

One hundred years from now, what will historians say about the leaders of Bartlesville and the residents of Bartlesville if we all voted in favor of this plan? One hundred years from now, will it be a blantant example of exploitation of the poor? Of mistreatment of African-Americans? Of the powerful taking advantage of the weak? Of a double standard?

So, what about you? Would you want a jail in your neighborhood? I am pretty sure I know your answer and if you treat your west side neighbors the same way you would want to be treated regarding this issue, then ACTION is required. At the very least, vote NO when this issue comes up and let our leaders know WHY you voted against the jail.

If you want to be more involved, here is an email that my husband sent out:

This public hearing at city council (7pm Mon 08/18/2008) is the last chance to meaningfully contribute to the process of giving a voice to the neighbors (overwhelming majority oppose the jail). Please consider showing up in person to the meeting as a show of support for the neighbors. You can sign up to speak if you prefer, but the mere presence of large numbers of individuals in the room will convey a strong message:

These people are important (no less important than any other neighbors in our city)...their concerns are valid....and they will not be ignored.

We need you Monday night!

P.S. A disclaimer, in case anyone was wondering . . . before we purchased our property on Hickory, we knew that it would be within 300 feet of the possible future jail site. However, we strongly believed that this was the right place for us and that there was real hope for revitalization in this area, so we went forward with our plans. And, incidentally, although I am obviously passionately against the jail being there, God has already used this issue for good because it has enabled us to get to know all of our future neighbors and to join them in a shared cause.

Please Pray

Six weeks ago my sister-in-law, Ruth, was put on bed rest when she was only 19 weeks along in her pregnancy. She ended up delivering her baby girl, Olivia Kate, yesterday, at only 25 weeks, 2 days old (gestational age). Here is the email that Eric sent out.
6:03 pm Thursday (August 14th). 1 pound 15 ounces.

She caught everyone by surprise when she came. No doctor was present - she came too quickly... Just 1 resident and 5-7 nurses were present. Ruth was in agony - she came too quickly for Ruth to receive a shot of pain medicine, and they were unable to remove the stitches before she delivered. Ruth though seems to be doing relatively well now... She's resting finally.

Olivia also seems to be doing well considering she was only at 25 weeks when born. They say her color is good and her breathing has been good as well to the point they don't even have her hooked up to the full ventilator. Of course at this stage that's about all they know - they will know a lot more about everything else in 10-14 days.

The "stitches" that Eric is referring to were sewn into Ruth's cervix at 19 weeks to keep it shut (called a cerclage -- not sure I spelled that correctly) so you can imagine the pain that Ruth was in. Please pray for Ruth and Eric, little Olivia, and little Caleb.

this is home

This weekend David and I noticed how we have very quickly changed our label for the property we bought on Hickory. At first, we would tell the kids, "Time to go to 'the lot'". Then it became, "Time to go to 'the construction site'". Just in the last few days, it has changed to, "Time to go to 'the house'".

On our way over to 'the house' tonight, I could barely hold back tears when a song from the Prince Caspian soundtrack came on the radio. It is called, "This is Home". The lyrics are very relevant to me and our situation.

I've got my memories
They're always
Inside of me
But I can't go back
Back to how it was
I believe now
I've seen too much
But I can't go back
Back to how it was
Created for a place
I've never known

Chorus:
This is home
Now I'm finally
Where I belong
Where I belong
Yeah, this is home
I've been searching
For a place of my own
Now I've found it
Maybe this is home
Yeah, this is home

Belief over misery
I've seen the enemy
And I won't go back
Back to how it was
And I got my heart
Set on
What happens next
I got my eyes wide
It's not over yet
We are miracles
And we're not alone

(Chorus)

And now after all
My searching
After all my questions
I'm gonna call it home
I got a brand new mindset
I can finally see
The sunset
I'm gonna call it home

(Chorus)

Now I know
Yeah, this is home

I've come too far
Now I won't go back
This is home

In consecutive order, this is "The Lot" (May 19, 2008), and "The Construction Site" (July 11, 2008), and "The House" (August 12, 2008). Stay tuned for a photo with the caption "This is Home"!

Roof completed, masonry begun

No time to really blog now, but here are the latest images of Hickory!

July 23, 2008


August 3, 2008



August 6, 2008



August 7, 2008

Views from Hickory

Just some more pics of the construction site. In consecutive order they are from Saturday (July 19, 2008), Monday (July 21, 2008), and Tuesday (July 22, 2008).

Amazing Progress!

These are pictures taken one week apart. The first one is from last Thursday (July 10th) and the last is from tonight (Thursday, July 17th).

The Tale of Despereaux

Dear Friends, I have just gotten wonderful news. Revealing this news will tell you simultaneously what a nerd I am and also, how little it takes to create excitement in the life of this stay-at-home mom. :)

The news that has been the cause of great joy for me (like the drama, David?) is this: my favorite, favorite, favorite Newbery winning book, The Tale of Despereaux, has been made into a movie!! It will be in theatres around Christmas this year -- I can hardly wait!

Let me try to persuade you to read the book before you see the movie. The full name of the book is: The Tale of Despereaux being the story of a mouse, a princess, some soup and a spool of thread. You are just dying to read it now, aren't you? It is written by Kate DiCamillo, the author of Because of Winn-Dixie and more recently, The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane.

I loved this book and then read it aloud to Jack and Claire who, with no exaggerration, begged me to read "just one more chapter" EVERY night. I understood completely because the chapters are short and almost always end with a cliff-hanger.

The book is so beautifully written and has all of the dichotomies that I love: love and hate, good and evil, dark and light, forgiveness and revenge. It is incredible and I PROMISE will capture adults and children alike!

It is a great summer read (winter, fall, spring read) for anyone!