Tonight, was a rough night. As I posted on FB, Jack and Claire needed only to look at each other for there to be trouble. My goal tonight was to get everyone in bed ASAP -- and that meant no later than 8:30 pm.
By 8 pm, I was finished bathing Brookie, finished brushing her teeth, and finished combing out the mammoth knots in her hair. I was on the home stretch of getting her off to dreamland.
It was time to pray and she prayed one of her sweet meandering prayers. Things like, "'aynk you for us not to be frustrated. [Even she, at four, knew I had had a frustrating night!] Aynk you that we have good food so we can exercise and stretch. Aynk you for my 'flam-lee' to be 'spectable.'"
Unfortunately, due to the random nature of her prayers and my frazzled brain, tonight (like most nights) I can't remember exactly what she prayed, but whatever she prayed about, the prayers were especially sweet and earnest. So when she was finished I told her, "Oh, Brookie, that pleases God and Jesus when you talk to them. When you pray, you're talking to them and they can hear you."
"How do they do that?" she asked with awe and wonder.
"I don't know, but they really do hear your prayers up in heaven," I told her. (The word omniscient would have meant nothing to her and I was trying to join in her awe-struck appraisal of God and Jesus.)
"I think I know how they hear them," she piped up.
"Really? What do you think?" I added, thinking that this was going to be really interesting.
"It's because they're in our heart," she explained to me. "So, since they are there, they can hear us." She placed one of her dimpled little hands over the center of her chest.
"Maybe you're right, Brookie. If they're in your heart, they would definitely hear your prayers." (I have to note here that the phrase "Jesus is in my heart" is not the phrase that I prefer to use. Kids are so concrete and I think some of them think that Jesus is really physically living in there in one of the four chambers in the heart. But anyway, I just followed her lead and went with it tonight.)
Then she said, with a teenager-esque, sassy look, "Some of my friends think their heart is here [placing her hand over the left side of her chest] , but it's not. It's here [placing her hand on the center of her chest again]."
"Do you feel it beating?" I asked her.
Her eyes got big and round, and she said, "Oh! Whoaaa!" and even altered her breathing a little as she focused on her heart rate.
Then I said, "You know what? God and Jesus can't live in your heart unless you ask them to come there and ask Jesus to be your Savior."
"Hmm," Brookie said. This is one of her regular expressions and it always is so endearing because she says it in such a grown up manner; it sometimes seems a bit unnatural coming from someone so young. But it usually means that the wheels are really turning up there in her little brain.
"We can talk about this more and you can do it later," I said as I kissed her forehead. Honestly, I had not broached this subject with Brookie in a LONG time because the approach I took with Jack and Claire really caused Brookie some anxiety. Saying something like, "If you ask Jesus to save you, then when you die, you will get to live in heaven forever with him and God," caused her to respond with something like this, "I don't want to die," or "I want to still be with you and Daddy." So I just dropped the subject and decided to wait until she was a bit more mature, which I had unconsciously, automatically decided couldn't possibly be tonight (not on the first night in over a year that we had talked about salvation.) And I have to be completely honest, I was still on a mission to get everyone to bed by 8:30 and it was 8:15.
But Brookie surprised me and said, "How 'bout I do it now?"
"Ok . . . Are you sure you want to?" I asked. I hadn't gone through all of the "stuff" with her, but I did not want to stop her or stop something that God was trying to do. At that moment, it seemed clear to me that God had been preparing her and drawing her near to Him. The last week and a half or so, she had initiated lots of conversations about God and her meandering prayers had become really heartfelt.
"Father, God . . ." I started to lead her through the "ABC prayer" like I had done with Jack and Claire.
But, Little Miss Independent would have none of that; she took the reins.
"Fodder, God and Jesus, please come live in my heart and be my Savior. And help "M" be happy and 'aynk you dat her nose is better. In Jesus' Name, Amen." (That part about "M" seems random, but it is actually an acknowledgment of her sin. "M" is one of Brookie's good friends in her PreK class. Two days ago, "M" tried to cut in line in front of Brookie and Brookie evidently pushed "M" and made "M" fall and hurt her nose. Brookie came home and her conscience was very disturbed by what she had done. She slowly told me the story and when she got to the very end, she said (all on her own), "I'm sorry, God." I loved how she did this because she wasn't on her knees in some sort of "religious pose"; we were just walking inside from the garage and she said it just like she was talking to me, as if it was the most natural thing to her.)
Back to tonight . . . when she finished praying, I hugged her and called for Jack and Claire to share the news with them. It was amazing how the little monsters became angels instantly and my heart burst as they listened to Brookie tell them what she had done and celebrated with her. I didn't think my joy could be more complete than when Jack, squatted down to be eye level with Brookie and told her, "Now you will get to live in heaven with God and Jesus some day." (Good boy, Jack -- thanks for not mentioning anything about dying.) Then Brookie added, "And when I am in heaven, they won't be in my heart anymore because they will be in heaven and I will be in heaven. We'll be together." Jack gave her a big hug and said, "Wow! You are so smart!"
Then Claire decided Brookie should call David (he was still at work).
Claire grabbed the phone, dialed David's cell, and said, "Dad, Brookie's got something to tell you," and then she handed the phone to Brookie, who said, "Daddy? I asked God and Jesus into my heart and to be my savior and that "M" is happy and to 'aynk thank them that her nose is better [to thank them that her nose is better]".
What a faith-building experience as a parent! A parent's job is important, but this was a reminder to me that I don't have to do it all -- salvation
is God's gift to us, after all -- and even though I am their parent, my children's salvation does not rest entirely on my shoulders. I have a part in it, but tonight it was evident that God had done the work; He had made all of the preparations and readied Brookie's heart and I just had to be willing to let my 8:30 bedtime plans go. A good example of the common Celebrate Recovery saying, "Let Go and Let God".
Epilogue: That all happened last night (Wed. September 29, 2010) and this morning, I kept calling and calling Brooke to come down for breakfast. She never answered and so I finally went up to her room and I found her completely dressed for school sitting in a corner in her room looking very solemn. She was listening to her "Jesus Songs" -- a CD called "Hide 'Em In Your Heart" (scriptures put to music for children). She absolutely did not want to come down, so I just left her there all morning. When it was time for me to take her to school, I went back upstairs and found her in exactly the same position. She turned the CD player off and said, "Can I listen to this again today after my nap?" Wow!
